Enabling Behaviors In Addiction

From a linguistic standpoint, to “enable” just means to allow something to happen. So if you enable someone else’s behavior, you do or say things that may not actively discourage or encourage bad behavior, but nonetheless allow it to occur. In the context of substance abuse, an “enabler” is anyone who allows someone to continue engaging in self-destructive behavior without doing anything to stop it.

Enabling behavior is a really complex topic, and as such, it’s not always easy to identify specific examples. The types of behavior that enable drug or alcohol abuse can often vary from one case to the next. However, if you engage in any actions or responses that inadvertently support or perpetuate substance abuse, you would be considered an enabler. And it’s important to point out that this doesn’t make you a bad person! Even well-intentioned actions can be classified as enabling behavior, so try not to be too hard on yourself if you’ve accidentally enabled a loved one. What matters is that you learn what enabling behavior looks like so you can change your actions, attitudes, and responses going forward.

Here are a few common examples of enabling behaviors that could perpetuate or worsen drug or alcohol addiction:

• Making Excuses - People addicted to drugs often engage in behaviors that are dangerous or simply not permissible in most situations. It’s not uncommon for friends or family members to make excuses for their loved ones. This could include lying about the reasons for their behaviors or minimizing their actions so that the loved one feels less ashamed.
• Offering Financial Support - Most people with addictions need more and more money to fuel their substance abuse. Offering financial support may seem like the right thing to do, especially if your loved one comes to you for help to pay for rent or groceries, but you could inadvertently be financing their addiction. For example, if you allow your friend with a drinking problem to borrow some money, you could be enabling their alcoholic behavior.
• Downplaying Negative Consequences - Providing emotional support is just part of being a good friend or family member. But if you get to the point that you’re downplaying very negative consequences of substance abuse, you’re doing more harm than good. For example, if your sibling misses work because they were high, you’re not doing them any good by downplaying the incident or making it seem less serious so that they won’t feel as stressed about it.
• Intervening in Legal Situations - Helping a loved one out of a legal jam may seem like a noble thing to do, but if they got into the legal situation as a direct or indirect result of addiction, you’re only enabling them to continue abusing drugs and alcohol.
• Avoiding Confrontation - One of the most common enabling behaviors is avoidance. You don’t want to make your friend or family member upset, so you avoid broaching subjects that may cause pain or anger. This only prolongs the inevitable and allows the person to abuse drugs or alcohol, perhaps without even realizing how much damage they’re doing to themselves and others.
• Adopting Responsibilities - Many people who abuse drugs or alcohol begin to abandon their work, school, and family responsibilities. You might want to pick up the slack and help them out with their work, studies, or even household chores, but you’re only enabling their bad behavior.